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Looking for girlfriend > 50 years > Get a man who loves you more

Get a man who loves you more

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T here are male dating gurus who train men in the dark art of the female putdown. They tell guys that playing hard to get is the way to make a woman fall head over heels; that women prefer men who behave like jerks, with a touch of humor thrown into the mix. There is some truth to their claims: when we obtain what is hard to get, we appreciate it more. Sensing signs of love from a jerk may feel like more of an achievement than from a guy who constantly dotes on us or on any woman he lays his eyes on.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How Men Fall in Love: 5 Steps to Make Him Love You

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: The Office Cast Reunites for Zoom Wedding: Some Good News with John Krasinski Ep. 7

When You Realize You’ll Never Love Him as Much As He Loves You

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A persistent truism, it still shows up with predictable regularity in advice columns. Just last week, I heard it at an engagement party for some of our friends. I'm not sure how far back the saying goes if you can find an early literary use of this aphorism, please share. Presumably, its origins lie in the not-so-distant past when women were far more dependent on their husbands than they may be today.

As historians like Stephanie Coontz have shown , the ideal of marriage as a lifelong love affair — or even an enduring friendship — is relatively new. Many of what we think of our as deepest romantic ideals date back only a little more than a century. Yet the fact that marriages in the more distant past were more concerned with property and with reassuring men that they could know who their children were doesn't mean that a husband's romantic devotion didn't have a vital purpose.

In a world where women were essentially chattel, marriage marked the moment at which a woman was transferred from father to husband. The choreography of the familiar American church wedding service reflects this still. At marriage, a husband acquired the right to beat or otherwise mistreat his wife.

But legally sanctioned opportunity is not automatic obligation. A man could, if he wanted, refuse to exercise any of the rights of domination he had.

What would hold him back from doing the violence that he was allowed to do? Or so goes the theory. In reality, as experts in intimate partner violence agree, plenty of abusive men claim to be head over heels in love with the women they harm. In our own world, this tenacious bit of conventional heterosexual wisdom reflects a different assumption.

A man who loves his wife or a boyfriend who loves his girlfriend more than she loves him in return will, as my friend's little sister told us at the engagement party, be less likely to cheat. Greater male passion isn't about protecting a woman from intimate violence as much as it is about reducing the risk of infidelity. Based on the intuitive but unverifiable assumption that men in love are less likely to be unfaithful, the theory also offers a secondary reassurance to women.

If he loves you more than you love him, and he cheats on you, at least your diminished investment will inoculate you against the worst emotional effects of sexual betrayal.

This old adage is an unhappy book-end to Lori Gottlieb's viral advice to "settle" and marry Mr. Good Enough. Gottlieb urges women to take advantage of their peak years of desirability not after 35, she implies to snare a good guy. Pickiness will lead you to wait too long, she warns, and all the good ones will be gone. Better to be married to a nice guy who doesn't make your socks roll up and down than to be lonely:.

Madame Bovary might not see it that way, but if she'd remained single, I'll bet she would have been even more depressed than she was while living with her tedious but caring husband. And there's the kicker: What does it matter if your husband bores you? Happiness, according to Gottlieb, lies less in finding a man who turns you on than in settling for one who is really turned on by you.

There are plenty of problems and perhaps a few nuggets of wisdom in Gottlieb's article now a bestselling book , just as there are with the older advice to women to find husbands who will love them just a bit more than they are loved in return.

But the real issue is the myth of male weakness that undergirds all of this. If we believe that men can't control their sexual or violent impulses, then we force women to look for strategies to safeguard themselves against heartbreak or physical harm.

And as in the past, a man's adoration becomes a vital part of that strategy. In this age where hormones and evolutionary psychology are commonly cited as explanations or outright excuses for the most appalling male behavior, it makes good sense to teach women to look for an effective and enduring guarantor of masculine reliability.

That means encouraging women to make romantic decisions based more on men's devotion rather than on their own desires. Shorter Gottlieb: "caring" trumps "tedious", and don't be so much a fool to insist that you can easily have the former without the latter. Not only do we believe that men are weak when it comes to impulse control, pop culture relentlessly reminds straight women that they are hardwired to be attracted to "bad boys.

In a corollary to the myth of male weakness, grandmothers and Gottliebs warn that a woman who is head-over-heels in love and lust will be less likely to see vital warning signs; a woman who finds herself only tepidly attracted to a man will be able to assess his character more accurately. His greater devotion keeps him faithful; her less intense passion keeps her safe — and, presumably in control both of her own emotions and of her male partner.

Encouraging women to settle before they're ready — and for men whom they love less than they are loved in return — isn't just carefully repackaged common sense. Rather, it's the repurposing of old advice for the sake of diminishing women's expectations both of themselves and of men. That this aphorism has proved so tenacious is not a sign of its truth about what makes a good relationship, but a sign of how reluctant we remain to challenge the myth of male weakness.

Hugo Schwyzer is a professor of gender studies and history at Pasadena City College and a nationally-known speaker on sex, relationships, and masculinity. You can see more of his work at his eponymous site.

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Date A Man Who Loves You More

Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person? Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude. For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey.

I called it quits with a man I once loved after I found out he had sex with a close friend of mine former. How can a man that claims to truly love me hurt me? Was any of this real?

Dating Entertainment. My friend is the type of woman who, in between working her 9-to-5, her side hustle and running her own company, will always find time for the man she cares about. So the next time we find a woman who checks the boxes we want in a significant other, the fondness we develop for her is more mental than emotional. This is a stupid, weak and completely defensive method of dating, but we do it to protect ourselves.

Should You Be With Someone Who Loves You More Than You Love Them?

A persistent truism, it still shows up with predictable regularity in advice columns. Just last week, I heard it at an engagement party for some of our friends. I'm not sure how far back the saying goes if you can find an early literary use of this aphorism, please share. Presumably, its origins lie in the not-so-distant past when women were far more dependent on their husbands than they may be today. As historians like Stephanie Coontz have shown , the ideal of marriage as a lifelong love affair — or even an enduring friendship — is relatively new. Many of what we think of our as deepest romantic ideals date back only a little more than a century. Yet the fact that marriages in the more distant past were more concerned with property and with reassuring men that they could know who their children were doesn't mean that a husband's romantic devotion didn't have a vital purpose. In a world where women were essentially chattel, marriage marked the moment at which a woman was transferred from father to husband.

Is it Wise to Pick A Man Who Loves You More Than You Love Him?

Date a man who loves you more. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him with yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years.

How long does it take a man to say i love you.

Finding someone who loves you just as much as you love them is practically an impossible feat. No two people love the same, and everyone develops feelings at their own rate. You could practically feel the imbalance of feelings and emotions every second of the day.

10 True Signs That Your Man Has Stopped Loving You

Love can make you feel like you are invincible. Food tastes better, sunsets are prettier. Where there is a potential for great reward, there tends to also be a great risk. Love is probably the best and the scariest thing we do.

But this week, New York Magazine and the Cut decided to try. We interrogated dozens of couples and a throuple to see what makes their marriages work — or not. I met my husband the second weekend after I got to college. When we met, I was so green. Any sort of sexual awakening or discovery of my body as an adult has all been through him.

You Can Trick Someone Into Loving You — and 6 Other Surprising Facts About Love

So you love a guy with low self-esteem. Sucks to be you. Who still kind of does. I know the crap you deal with. He must drive you nuts. Mary was such a pure, beautiful soul.

A MAN HAS TO LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE HIM FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO WORK?🤔. Derrick Jaxn.

I can't remember where I had heard this old adage before or just how far back the saying goes, but it always seems to resonate no matter your view on it, even going so far as to say it might be an interesting thought to contemplate as we trudge through our romantic lives: You should be with someone who loves you more than you love them. It seems simple enough — sure we've all had that one person in our lives that's always been there and who definitely loves us more than we love them and would quite literally do anything to be with us. But they're usually the nice guy or girl that we overlook because we don't feel that spark or we're not overly attracted to them, or simply don't consider them our soulmate.

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On a primal level, it benefits women to pick a man who is far more in love with her than she is with him, because that FEELS like he will stick around, and so we and our babies can have all his resources. However, this is the exact thing many men hate about a relationship, and commitment to a woman. Research shows that men fall in love faster, and way harder than women do.

When You Love a Man With Low Self-Esteem – 9 Things to Keep in Mind (by Paul Graves)

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